Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize