Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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