just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
