How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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