I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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