The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
