She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
