so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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