Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize