so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
