she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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