Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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