Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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