I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize