How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
