My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
