Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
