I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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