It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
These tits shall not be calmed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize