I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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