Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
