so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
