You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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