I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
