I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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