Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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