***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
