I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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