In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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