Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
