i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
