Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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