I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
