Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
