summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Text me some of your sweat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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