We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize