respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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