I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
