Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
