he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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