I just saw a hot homeless man
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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