look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
