tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
