and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize