SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
