checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize