WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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