I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
