Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
