Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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