Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
