So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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