I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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