There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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