she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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