I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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