my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
