She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
