We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize