Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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