I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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