yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
