my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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