can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
