Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
